puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
