Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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