I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
