In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
