thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
