Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
