Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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