talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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