I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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