Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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