that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
