I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
