After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
