College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
