he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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