how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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