I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
