My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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