he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i think i just lost a toe
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
