I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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