I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
