i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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