Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
