had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
