It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So vagazzling was a success
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
