Whod you bang
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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