it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
