I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
did i walk over a car last night?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If I die, sorry about rent.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
