dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
