i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
