my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Of course I have a pirate flag
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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