Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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