We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
FUCK WHALES
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
