I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
