i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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