I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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