Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
