I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
