Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
