he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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