so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
