Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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