Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
