but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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