After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
