I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
