Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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