Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
