so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
