You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
